A big part of what influences us all as we grow up is the influence that our immediate surrounding has on us. For the most part, this immediate surrounding comprises of our parents and friends. My parents have naturally had, what I feel, the strongest influence on me. As a daughter of an earnest man, an oncologist who strived hard to establish himself, and a lovely, patient mother with a love for language and books, I found a wonderful balance between the two. I grew to love the art of medicine as a little girl, alongside William Wordsworth poems, learning to enjoy the rain and not to live by the ticking of the clock. My career decisions were distilled from long conversations with my mother as a teenager. She has the patience of a rock and the wisdom of a hundred saints, and I owe all of who I am to her. The flip side to patience is that sometimes, you do not know where to draw the line and you end up tolerating what you shouldn't but I admit - patience is a hard thing to inculcate, but it a huge strength to have. In a world where everything is finite and defined by the clock or the calendar, including our lives, it can be quite hard to remember what patience feels like.
Many twenty-somethings are in an existential crisis.
It is almost a need to be somewhere before it escapes us, fulfill something before we run out of gas, a race against time like there isn't enough. Not too long ago, I went through an existential crisis. Just like every twenty-something, I wasn't sure about what I wanted from life. I started flowing with the current of competition, trying my best to be seen, to be heard, to date, to do more, to achieve more, to have more, to travel as many places as I could as soon as I could - however, what I sensed inside me was an immense amount of resistance to this. There was a part of me that sensed that something was clearly wrong, and my homeostasis was muddy. I needed to get a hold of this situation. Why was I running with the crowd when I'd heard a distant drummer all my life ? Some call it the spirit, some call it the emotional GPS, or the guidance - what I did feel was that my guidance had left me bare open to the fact that I was trying to do something that was not "me". I was trying to wind things up, move faster, rush, compete - and this was so far away from the patience I loved and worshipped as a child and a teenager, this was so far away from the peaceful life I dreamt of, the people whose lives I want to touch, the small cottage I want to live in, always being around the friends and family that I want to remain close to; the slower, lesser, simpler life that I craved was slipping away as I got caught up in a world of competition.
I was that at a point of disconnect, and the only way I found to move closer to myself was to prioritize myself.
I started putting my career ahead of everything. While my dream is to enjoy what I do for a living, to have a wonderful man for a husband, to be his rock, to raise children who will be a blessing to this planet, I realized I don't need to speed things up, I dont need to be married now. I don't need to have a ring around my finger or a million dollar home I can call mine, and if that's what defines how successful one is, then I'd rather run the risk of being an underdog.
I don't want to treat my life as a checklist. And the same goes for you. Don't run behind a job that pays for your billion dollar mortgage for your home in Beverly Hills but works you like a slave. Wouldn't you rather be with the man or woman you love and spend time with your children in a quiet corner of the world doing what makes your heart light ? Wouldn't you rather teach your children he most valuable lessons - happiness and contentment ? We don't need to do something because everyone does it or when others do it. Even as I say this, there's a big part of my conditioned mind that tells me that the clock is ticking.
Why a sense of the clock ticking ?
As mortals, we have a constant fear of missing out. Brene Brown calls it "FOMO" in her books, 'Daring greatly' and 'Rising strong'. Human beings are subject to constant criticism when they miss out on what is perceived by a majority as successful. They are seen as flawed, as inefficient, as unable to keep up. Then there's the fear of not being able to keep up - so on and so forth, and in the process of a million judgements we lose track of where we come from.
So is success the acquisition of what the world thinks or the lack thereof ?
To define your success by someone else's definition, or the world's definition, is the surest way to be dissatisfied. Does it even make sense to define your success through someone else's definition? It's hard to define success, but if you can relate it to how content you are, you're not far away from the truth. While striving to be better, do better, let's strive to be better than none but the version of ourselves from yesterday.
Career, friendships, relationships, marriage and children are the most meaningful and beautiful things to happen to us. They are what we create, they are what we put our hearts into, they are what we allow to define us. How dynamic these things are in our world, depends on how dynamic we make them. They blossom with patience.
Wait for whatever it is that makes you know 'this is it'. I promise you, that FOMO is not even real. How young you are when you buy your first house is not a measure of how happy you are. That you did something better than someone else is no way to measure your worth. I promise there's more happiness in holding someone's hand when you tell them that you'll be there for them, there's more contentment in time spent with your parents, among children and older people and playing with your dog than there ever can be in scrambling your way up a ladder that is completely imaginary. Wondering who had the fancier vacation, defeats the very purpose of a a vacation. That you should have a 'someone significant' right here, right now because your best friend is married is no way to live life. It's okay if you're still getting there. It's okay if you're not getting there, if you're nowhere close. Find the career that is right for you, that you love, one that loves you back and treats you well. Patience and love will make you vulnerable, but base your friendships and relationships on them, please. Let your guard down. Let that guy know you want things to work, let that girl know that you'll do what it takes to keep her. If your job takes you three continents and four oceans away from home, so be it. If life is really short, it's only too short to worry about the what ifs or how the world lives. If there's anything you want to win against, win against fear. You'll be better off for it.
Wishing you so much love and goodness ♥︎
Aarthi
Many twenty-somethings are in an existential crisis.
It is almost a need to be somewhere before it escapes us, fulfill something before we run out of gas, a race against time like there isn't enough. Not too long ago, I went through an existential crisis. Just like every twenty-something, I wasn't sure about what I wanted from life. I started flowing with the current of competition, trying my best to be seen, to be heard, to date, to do more, to achieve more, to have more, to travel as many places as I could as soon as I could - however, what I sensed inside me was an immense amount of resistance to this. There was a part of me that sensed that something was clearly wrong, and my homeostasis was muddy. I needed to get a hold of this situation. Why was I running with the crowd when I'd heard a distant drummer all my life ? Some call it the spirit, some call it the emotional GPS, or the guidance - what I did feel was that my guidance had left me bare open to the fact that I was trying to do something that was not "me". I was trying to wind things up, move faster, rush, compete - and this was so far away from the patience I loved and worshipped as a child and a teenager, this was so far away from the peaceful life I dreamt of, the people whose lives I want to touch, the small cottage I want to live in, always being around the friends and family that I want to remain close to; the slower, lesser, simpler life that I craved was slipping away as I got caught up in a world of competition.
 |
| Credit : Brene Brown |
I was that at a point of disconnect, and the only way I found to move closer to myself was to prioritize myself.
I started putting my career ahead of everything. While my dream is to enjoy what I do for a living, to have a wonderful man for a husband, to be his rock, to raise children who will be a blessing to this planet, I realized I don't need to speed things up, I dont need to be married now. I don't need to have a ring around my finger or a million dollar home I can call mine, and if that's what defines how successful one is, then I'd rather run the risk of being an underdog.
I don't want to treat my life as a checklist. And the same goes for you. Don't run behind a job that pays for your billion dollar mortgage for your home in Beverly Hills but works you like a slave. Wouldn't you rather be with the man or woman you love and spend time with your children in a quiet corner of the world doing what makes your heart light ? Wouldn't you rather teach your children he most valuable lessons - happiness and contentment ? We don't need to do something because everyone does it or when others do it. Even as I say this, there's a big part of my conditioned mind that tells me that the clock is ticking.
Why a sense of the clock ticking ?
As mortals, we have a constant fear of missing out. Brene Brown calls it "FOMO" in her books, 'Daring greatly' and 'Rising strong'. Human beings are subject to constant criticism when they miss out on what is perceived by a majority as successful. They are seen as flawed, as inefficient, as unable to keep up. Then there's the fear of not being able to keep up - so on and so forth, and in the process of a million judgements we lose track of where we come from.
 |
| Credit : Brene Brown, author of "daring greatly" and "rising strong" |
So is success the acquisition of what the world thinks or the lack thereof ?
To define your success by someone else's definition, or the world's definition, is the surest way to be dissatisfied. Does it even make sense to define your success through someone else's definition? It's hard to define success, but if you can relate it to how content you are, you're not far away from the truth. While striving to be better, do better, let's strive to be better than none but the version of ourselves from yesterday.
Career, friendships, relationships, marriage and children are the most meaningful and beautiful things to happen to us. They are what we create, they are what we put our hearts into, they are what we allow to define us. How dynamic these things are in our world, depends on how dynamic we make them. They blossom with patience.
Wait for whatever it is that makes you know 'this is it'. I promise you, that FOMO is not even real. How young you are when you buy your first house is not a measure of how happy you are. That you did something better than someone else is no way to measure your worth. I promise there's more happiness in holding someone's hand when you tell them that you'll be there for them, there's more contentment in time spent with your parents, among children and older people and playing with your dog than there ever can be in scrambling your way up a ladder that is completely imaginary. Wondering who had the fancier vacation, defeats the very purpose of a a vacation. That you should have a 'someone significant' right here, right now because your best friend is married is no way to live life. It's okay if you're still getting there. It's okay if you're not getting there, if you're nowhere close. Find the career that is right for you, that you love, one that loves you back and treats you well. Patience and love will make you vulnerable, but base your friendships and relationships on them, please. Let your guard down. Let that guy know you want things to work, let that girl know that you'll do what it takes to keep her. If your job takes you three continents and four oceans away from home, so be it. If life is really short, it's only too short to worry about the what ifs or how the world lives. If there's anything you want to win against, win against fear. You'll be better off for it.
Wishing you so much love and goodness ♥︎
Aarthi
No comments:
Post a Comment