I sat in my car for a long time this evening, in the parking lot thinking to myself what had made this day remarkably different. I could hear myself think in the quiet warmth of my car as it snowed outside. I couldn't tell if it was the most beautiful snow I've seen or if it was the most moving conversation I've had about post traumatic growth earlier today with my boss or whether it was about hearing from a friend about how she is doing really well taking it one day at a time through a difficult time in her life. I could tell it's a beautiful day, but that's not what was overwhelming me.
"I learned the most beautiful thing today - the power of human resilience." I texted my friend.
I spent some time today recreating Lynda Barry's sketch on 'What are thoughts?'
'What are thoughts ?' the question echoed ironically in my mind as I had a realization that the question itself was a thought. Before I dizzied into an inception (dream in a dream syndrome), I quickly went back to the question. 'Why do people go through situations that demand depression and post traumatic stress?'
What are thoughts?
What are thoughts?
Thoughts are everything. Thoughts are our reality. They are what make us happy. They are what make us satisfied, angry, sad, joyful. You may have everything that makes life 'ideal' by the book - but what you choose to think of it is the very thing that decides whether you are happy or not. You may not have what is conventionally perceived as a requisite for happiness and your happiness is still decided by your choice. Often we arrive at a crossroad in life where the things that our our heart's north and the things that are perceived as those that 'generally give us happiness' do not fall in a common space. At that crossroad, we are confused, we are in some kind of search. Maybe a soul-search. Some of us may take the road of what generally is perceived as satisfaction - a well paying job, a family, great vacations, a beautiful house. And this is wonderful - IF it is truly what makes you happy. So it is not the object outside or the person outside who makes you happy. It is a choice and a conscious decision to choose happiness that creates it.
Happiness is an inside job and no one and nothing can do it for you but yourself.
Time is often an important factor in unlearning the damage that society has done to us - the damage by making us believe that love and vulnerability are weaknesses - which is something I hear often but find ridiculous. Open yourself up and be receptive to the best feelings you want to have for yourself - you will receive them.
It isn't so hard to love yourself and want nothing but the best for yourself. Want the best job - create it. Create beautiful relationships around you. Do things you love for yourself - pamper yourself with a massage, get into a regular fitness regime, catch a drink with a friend and speak your heart out. Listen to good music. Dance. Paint. Stand in the snow. Get away to a mountain. Drive to the countryside. Immerse yourself in your work and your purpose. Don't let a minute go by that doesn't serve you.
Why are you in the job that doesn't make you happy ? Start over.
Why do you want people who don't value you ? Remove them from your life.
Why do you want lovers who don't meet you halfway ? Wipe them off the surface of your soul. Decide that you are worthy of true love and deep commitment.
Decide that you are worth friends that love you and add to your joy.
Decide that you deserve a job that makes you function at your best.
'Why do people go through situations that demand depression and post traumatic stress?'
Everything we experience in life is a choice we make. We choose to notice something. We choose to obsess and imagine and make a story out of it that it probably isn't. Everytime we think of it, we choose it. While it's hard to hear, the extent to which we allow our adversities to take a toll on us is our choice. Circumstances aren't always ideal in life, but whether we choose to press forward and experience what is in store for us is a choice we make. And it is important to be aware that this is a choice. Then we reclaim our power and recognize that we have the option to choose something different - like a good thought that serves us. Thoughts - happy or sad, are both habits. The mind works by telling itself lies. Obsession is a function of the mind - once we recognize this, we begin to set ourselves free of patterns. One thought slowly improves and then the next and the next, and one day you will look back and wish someone had said this to you a long time ago.
Time is crucial in helping us discover our patterns and where we get stuck.
Pain will often make time freeze - but this will pass. Nothing is permanent, not joy, nor sadness.
This pain will make you worry that people will recognize the pain in your eyes and stay the heck away from you - but that's not true. A small act of kindness will move you, a little joke will crack you up, a small gesture will fill you with gratitude. You will smile, you will laugh and you will feel a joy so deep that it will make all your past happiness and laughter feel shallow.
Resilience is part decision, part journey. Your part is the decision. The journey will happen. It is certainly the most beautiful thing - for resilience is the road you take when you choose your worth over everything else.
What is love ?
"The whole world can love you, but that love will not make you happy. What will make you happy is the love coming out of you." ~ Don Miguel Ruiz
Love makes us happy, we all think of it to be something - maybe it carries the same meaning for all of us. Maybe not. We'll never know. What I do know is that I truly found myself and the very north that my heart points to when I learned to love who I am. Love yourself for the card you gave someone that put a smile on their face. Love yourself for someone who smiles back at your contagious smile. Don't you see how far you've come, all these years through all those tough times ? Don't you see what a beautiful lover you are ? Don't you see how beautiful you are when you laugh ? Don't you see how lovable you are when you're so immersed in your work ? Don't you see how thoughtful it is of you to call your parents and let them know they always, always have you ?
When you're really busy finding yourself and loving yourself and building a life that you love, making friends you cherish and finding relationships you love, you will not find time for hatred, or for people who indulge in a life of comparison and bothersome things that pull you below your best self.
"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it" ~ Rumi
You will find a job that lights up, that makes you want to work, a world around you that you create with friends who lift you higher, when you find a person who's presence makes you as happy as your presence and spirit does to you, you know you're at the right place. This, is your heart's true north - your real worth.
Make a fun checklist of all the things you wish to see come true and decide in your heart this is what you love + want, and it will find you.
You will let things ebb and flow to you, you will not chase them down or compete - you will be a steady ship on calm waters, and you will become an unshakeable powerful force of love and life and an eternal source of joy for people who see the light in you.
Your peace + happiness trumps everything else.
Much love ♥︎
Aarthi
(Photo credits : #1,5 - made by tours truly. #3,4 -Lynda Barry #2-istock)
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