i've been waiting for............

he...isnt very far away..
a person, a godfather who always encourages me, and makes me feel my best

on my mind, all the time, is this worry of where i'm headed now...
somehow, what the world said never seemed to matter to me, although sometimes, i did feel bad that i had to take time off and slog it out again, just to begin my career...
yet, i'm glad i'm not one of those fools who are easily satisfied with what they get, and do not aim to get what they want.. or any of those people out there, who just dont appreciate a wait, and hurry up their lives into a useless degree and a life they didn't really want..or just because they're too old to hav a second chance...the grapes are sour.

i became aware of what i am, when i spoke to him,
when he told me that i'm doing the right thing,all the doubts and fears in my head cleared, and i was pretty sure i hadn't gone wrong....
i respect his words because he is intelligent, and i consider his words as well.

whats the big deal about all the poor losers who cannot understand the meaning of 'patience' ? i cannot listen to them...their words are empty. and so are their brains.

silence....is golden

silence is a word that hasn't been felt...by many people..

silence.........is such a beautiful thing....

the power of silence remains unmatched.
silence can make...or break..

for one whole year, i've had to endure more silence than anything, and it has also taught me more than anything in the world ever could.

silence isnt just the mere absence of noise.

it's the absence of a social environment, it's the absence of everything that tags along with a social urban life

this year has been a year when i've had to put my heart and soul into what i'm doing, what i'm aiming for.. because i know i'm not going to get another chance
and the very beginning was when real silence came into the picture

i missed all those outings....i never went shopping with friends, no more come-down-right-now lunches.... i hardly maintained any of those amazingly idiotic telephone conversations i used to have with them...everybody got busy with their own lives, i got busy with mine...
all i attended, were classes and tests. i did manage to make new friends there too, but it never felt the same. the atmosphere was different, professional and i felt more than just out-of-place

no one stopped me from going out, but somehow i didnt feel the need to do it
in the beginning i did feel a bit lonely, for i wasn't able to be in constant touch with my friends. i used to cry sometimes, i used to crib, and feel left out...
gradually, all the lonely feelings wore out. i got involved with my studies, i didn't get time to feel lonely
yet, silence only grew with time, and i knew that the only way to deal with it, was to accept it
only then i could realise that it's much nicer than it just seems

i could learn a lot through it...

i got time to start thinking about my future

it left me more energetic and happier, at the end of the day ! it strengthened my hopes
it made me think better, think wiser. it made me think.

i avoided those small mistakes i'd made before, i gave a second thought to everything

i'd learnt to be patient

i had all the time in the world to take care of my problems, to deal with my feelings and understand who i really am

i'd finally found a stronger identity in myself...

i admit...it's been a lonely journey, but now i'm happy
and i'm strong enough to do without somebody's help in this world.

i haven't got what i really want, and who i really want

i dont have all my desires fulfilled, nor have i achieved my goal as yet
yet, i'm happy.
on the inside, i feel light..

-aarthi

explicitly confidential

what would it take to realise that....
there are just so many things that can pierce right through our minds and read the most private parts of our conscience ..

in a recent speech by a genius and cybernetics-scientist, Prof. Kevin Warwick, i realised where technology could take us 10 years down the line...it could take you to the innermost cell in the grey matter of the person sitting right next to you !!! wow...mind-reading..... ! mind-blowing, rather !!!!

my jaw dropped as low as this issue sounds far-fetched...but yes, i finally had to accept that all this could take place because its all a matter of time
however, the irony of it remains that we're not able to communicate mind-to-mind through mere telepathy, but that we're trying to use a chip as a mediator to achieve such feats...imagine....a chip--a handicraft by our brain

coming to think of it, Prof Kevin intends to experiment on himself.
in 2000 A.D., he proceeded with his project- ''cyborg''- part human, part computer
he planned on connecting a chip to his nervous system surgically, a chip that serves as the communicating medium between his nervous system and a computer, and then seeing what happens. so far, i havent heard of any mighty breakthrough regarding this experiment, but i believe that cyborg will fetch him success
some people say that he's some kind of lunatic trying to pull off a major stunt...i dont really think so

i feel, that one fine day, 10 or 100 years from now onwards, mind-reading with the help of technology will no more be a myth.


Sunday January 29, 2006 - 11:18pm

the 18th blossom....

18, sounds...well... advertising...?!

i've turned 18....and, it's not an overnight journey to becoming more responsible..
in india, it's about crossing the first legal barrier in life...
i'm not happy, or sad.. it doesnt seem to make that much of a difference to the emotional aspect of it.
but one thing's for sure, i've started realising a change in myself in the last few months...it's a substantial change in a relatively short period of time !
every important thing has changed- my outlook towards life, people, the way i deal with people, what really interests me, who really interests me..
and of course, the big thing that i'm aiming for...and thats where my priority lies...where the very heart of my wishes lies..

i realise why 18 is a legal barrier... it involves a lot of difference in the way you start looking at life...
your hormones start taking a backseat.. so you think clearer, and start realising so much more.
adolescence hasnt completely ended though...i realise what a 15-year-old i turn into sometimes...like when i see clothes..or shoes...

but yeah, let me tell you frankly...now there's a rush inside me...when i say...i'm 18 ! :)
it's a whole new feeling- a feeling of freedom, a bit of grown-up-ness...excuse my english there

fact remains...i'm half adolescent...and i enjoy it thoroughly !
i turn 16 again when i look into the mirror and crib about blemishes on my face or when my hair looks limp and horse-tailey
call it silly...

but thats the way it is
oh, but my dad treats me like i'm still 14...how annoying !


-aarthi

confused..confused..

aaah..i'm confused again
i'm possibly in every negative mood u can describe..
i feel irresposible, bugged, perplexed by the people around me, useless and...this makes a downer mood for me
i gotta get down to some serious studying otherwise i'll get nowhere
all this apart,
diwali was great...celebrating it our the new house made it even better :)
we had so many sweets...atleast 15 different sweets this time at home...and..truckloads of them
oboy..my sweet tooth has dissolved and run away and i'm too sick of anything sweet now
the classes for this week are over. the weekend's gonna be a quick runaway to bangalore..the week's basically packed with work to do
so..now i'm gonna be a good girl and sit with my books for sometime, so that i dont forget what they are
goodbye,
and so sorry u wasted 3 minutes of ur small life reading this crap.
bye
aarthi

Tuesday November 8, 2005 - 10:38pm

howdy !

hi everybody !!!
welcome to my world...where i'm gonna express, shout, scream and swear to the extent that i really want.
i'll be copy-pasting some of my previous blogs from my previous blog, right here
after that, i'm blogging here on a regular basis
brand new blog...
and i hope this one remains