I see a lot of people go through the everyday ups and downs of what a relationship should be or trying to make it how it's "supposed" to be. People say individual personalities and differences don't matter if you can stick together and you fell in love with each other once upon a time. I'm afraid I don't believe that anymore.
One of the things that occurred to me recently, is that we as a generation are progressing towards developing strong individual identities.
There is more emphasis, need, importance attached to individual identity than there ever has been since the birth of the human race. It is a world of "each" person, their individual selves, who they are, what they want from their lives, their choices and desires. We revolve around identities. This need for individual "identities" to be compatible is more than ever, now.
While I truly believe in hardwork and sincerity, I was talking to my close friend Sanaea the other day, about the kind of man I'd want in my life. I've come to understand that we surround ourselves subconsciously with people who are similar to us. Be it friends or lovers. Not to say that our friends are always similar to us - I've friends who are the exact opposite of who I am, and while I enjoy the contrast, I probably would never see myself with someone contrasting. I enjoy surrounding myself with thinkers, writers, adventurers, entrepreneurs, philanthropists and I seek pleasant people who do more and talk less. I told her that it is very likely that this is exactly the kind of man I'll spend my life with. I think eventually we all need to be with someone that matches us on every front, an individual identity, who is a mirror when you are your happy, true, unapologetic self.
Are looks a criterion ? Is the hottest guy the most sought after ? Is the most beautiful girl the most ideal ? Are people thought in a common consensus to be "intelligent", the most attractive ? I don't know the answer to those questions. What I do know though, is that if we've based our choice on the way someone looks, we've already lost the game. I do know that intelligence doesn't always go hand-in-hand with being a good human being. That wanting someone who is motivated and someone who wants a lot from their life is a way is a very reasonable to define beauty, and both she and I were pretty spellbound when I said that to her - she never thought I had this clarity in my life before, and neither did I ! Surprisingly, I realized I don't think about people who are out build their resumès, to prove themselves better than others or are in it to win it or want to be the early bird. I don't believe in men who live by the stress of the race.
My life changed after meeting an interesting man who is not in the same profession as I am, about two months ago, and despite having had the ideas of thinking that ideal person would be in a similar profession, I realized otherwise.
I also learned that beauty is all about being passionate about what one does. I guess wanting someone driven, motivated and someone who wants a lot from their life is a very reasonable way to define beauty.
Life is all about accumulating pieces of yourself in others. You belong in so many places. You belong to so many experiences, to so many people, you are a part of someone's story as they are yours. And each one is a very solid part of deciding who the special one really is.
That special person is always you, and if you seek out someone who makes you feel beautiful, you will always happy.
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