Beauty is inevitable A.K.A. You don’t realise you’re making memories all the time

Beauty is inevitable A.K.A. You don’t realise you’re making memories all the time

I’m post call. Or pre call. And I’m surprised I’ve time to think. Yet I cannot stop doing the things that make me feel light.

Really, there’s no place as beautiful as New England for autumn and I realize how lucky I am to be here.

Beauty is inevitable.

Always meeting new people, getting out with my camera on a beautiful day, reading, writing, taking long walks and jogs, always remembering there’s a river close by, driving to the countryside and spending hours at dreamy bookstores - and the more I do these things, the more I realize there’s always time to do the things we want to do. And somewhere, I think this is really that period of growth. But must growth always be speckled with some grief or wistfulness ?

You’re having a beautiful day. Suddenly that ghost from your past appears. The one you closed the door on so you could concentrate on people and moments that value you, appears on a friend’s blog comments. That version of you that you see in pictures from a year ago and wonder, that there was real pain after twenty six years of an incessantly happy life, and it all starts and somehow magically ends inside of you. That you can get by and look back in awe at yourself for how far you’ve come. One of my chief resident doctors recently put up a beautiful quote on her cover page by Elizabeth Ros - “The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”

I couldn’t agree more.

I look back at the last year and one thought predominates - ‘How the heck did the year go by so fast ? How did I come across so many beautiful people and not realize it? The ones who have known pain, and the ones whose eyes well up when mine do, the ones who know what I know when I tell them what bothers me, the ones who help me grow, the ones who tell me that they know I’ll always get by and emerge beautiful.’

Fall in CT

“I know this is that part of some life lesson growth and it’s going to be a while” I groaned over the phone, to my friend Sanaea. “It’s autumn. It’s so beautiful. I’m doing new things everyday, and I love work for the most part. But I remember my losses sometimes. I remember being so affected by small things that wouldn’t matter to the sensible me. I don't know if I did anything beautiful last year. So many things have changed. Right from moving away from home to starting residency to meeting completely new people, from leaving homeland to being replanted in different soil, from not being around if my parents need me immediately to missing them every moment, it’s all happened so fast. I’m not sure how the gap between the two Septembers passed !”

With my guardian angels

“I’m solemn, moody and I go right from happy to wistful, and excited to reminiscing. Something’s off. It doesn’t always feel as perfect as it should for a single girl who is living her life and making new friends and building new relationships. ” I said to her.

“There are always beautiful memories you make in between. It’s inevitable.” she said. “We may spend the most part of our time obsessing over things that do not matter - we’re only human, we’re only chemicals more than anything else. And yet, I’m sure you made some memories that will make you wonder how you did so much in one year and I am so sure when you dig them up you’ll be surprised how productive it’s been !”

Hmm. She was right. Old photos from last year.

I took my old phone out this afternoon. Conversations with mom, tea with dad, chocolate dessert on my night with my last date before I left India, the phone conversation I had with my friend Imran before I moved and told him how much I’d miss him and Prerana. Though we lived in different states and met once a year.

The street kids to whom I taught English.

With my little angels. We painted while they learned to speak English.

The ones who drew stars in my palm with their sharpies and tied “friendship” bands around my wrist and made me cards with little hearts on them. The ones who hugged me around my knees and shook my legs hard enough to make me use all of my balance to resist falling to the ground. Or the flood-struck Kashmir with its brown eyed, dusty skinned people who were so happy to see a bunch of us volunteer to help out in relief.

The ones who showed me what life and love is really about.

Kashmir. The land that taught me love.

The children whose health I have an active interest in, the ones I someday want to go back home to.

Thuvar, my home town.

Waking up to the Himalayas.

Himalayan mornings.

Extended family that I bonded with. New people I met. Cousins I lived with, talked to at 2 AM over coffee.

The beautiful memories, the home belly dancing lessons for fun. The time I recovered from my fracture in my capoeira lesson and made an amazing new friend who got me out of home the very next day and said I’m too badass to stay off my feet for long. Ha ha.

The evening Kalash took me out to coffee. Post fracture day 1

The time I visited my Principal from school and the moment when she instantly recognized me and was thrilled to have me there reminiscing school years fondly.

With Miss Paul, my school principal

The moment when I noticed the positivity in my beautiful sister, who is now the mother of an 8 month old - when I had doubted myself and was in sheer pain, and she said “You’re made of the same things I am. I am so sure this will pass.”, I think was he moment things turned around.

My amazing sister

The time I spent working on relationships that in hindsight were probably some of my most important lessons which helped me realize that happiness and self worth are the only and only important variables - not people, not ideas, not obsessions, not stereotypes, not movements, not fads but just happiness.

Autumn in New England

I’ve met so many beautiful people. Inside out. And believe me when I say this - they’re all people with smiles so big they could be located on google maps, with kindness, compassion and so much love and tenderness I’d go back to these people over and over again. They’re the people that put a smile on my face. They’re all people I’d put on magazine covers.

While you’re at it making these “inevitably beautiful memories”, don’t forget to stay fit. Work out. Jog. Do yoga. Crunches on the living room floor. Don’t forget to do what you need to and unwind. Don’t forget to eat healthy (and don’t forget to Cheat - have one unhealthy day a fortnight). Don’t forget to concentrate on yourself and your significant other if you have one, and still remember that relationships aren’t all there is to life - make new friends, video chat with someone you love once a week, meet new people from different professions, try a new samba class, drive to the winery (Warning : 1. Don’t drive back drunk, you idiot. That’s really dangerous). You’re always making new memories, everyday. Just make sure you pay attention to it.

Begin anywhere. Don’t forget that you are so beautiful and you need time with “you” more than anyone else does.

Sending love your way and wishing you so much beauty and happiness ♥︎

Aarthi Oct 24 2015

Like

How it is and how it's supposed to be. A.K.A. Only you know what you really want

I see a lot of people go through the everyday ups and downs of what a relationship should be or trying to make it how it's "supposed" to be. People say individual personalities and differences don't matter if you can stick together and you fell in love with each other once upon a time. I'm afraid I don't believe that anymore.

One of the things that occurred to me recently, is that we as a generation are progressing towards developing strong individual identities. 

There is more emphasis, need, importance attached to individual identity than there ever has been since the birth of the human race. It is a world of "each" person, their individual selves, who they are, what they want from their lives, their choices and desires. We revolve around identities. This need for individual "identities" to be compatible is more than ever, now.

While I truly believe in hardwork and sincerity, I was talking to my close friend Sanaea the other day, about the kind of man I'd want in my life. I've come to understand that we surround ourselves subconsciously with people who are similar to us. Be it friends or lovers. Not to say that our friends are always similar to us - I've friends who are the exact opposite of who I am, and while I enjoy the contrast, I probably would never see myself with someone contrasting. I enjoy surrounding myself with thinkers, writers, adventurers, entrepreneurs, philanthropists and I seek pleasant people who do more and talk less. I told her that it is very likely that this is exactly the kind of man I'll spend my life with. I think eventually we all need to be with someone that matches us on every front, an individual identity, who is a mirror when you are your happy, true, unapologetic self.

Are looks a criterion ? Is the hottest guy the most sought after ? Is the most beautiful girl the most ideal ? Are people thought in a common consensus to be "intelligent", the most attractive ? I don't know the answer to those questions. What I do know though, is that if we've based our choice on the way someone looks, we've already lost the game. I do know that intelligence doesn't always go hand-in-hand with being a good human being. That wanting someone who is motivated and someone who wants a lot from their life is a way is a very reasonable to define beauty, and both she and I were pretty spellbound when I said that to her - she never thought I had this clarity in my life before, and neither did I ! Surprisingly, I realized I don't think about people who are out build their resumès, to prove themselves better than others or are in it to win it or want to be the early bird. I don't believe in men who live by the stress of the race.

My life changed after meeting an interesting man who is not in the same profession as I am, about two months ago, and despite having had the ideas of thinking that ideal person would be in a similar profession, I realized otherwise.

I also learned that beauty is all about being passionate about what one does. I guess wanting someone driven, motivated and someone who wants a lot from their life is a very reasonable way to define beauty.

Life is all about accumulating pieces of yourself in others. You belong in so many places. You belong to so many experiences, to so many people, you are a part of someone's story as they are yours. And each one is a very solid part of deciding who the special one really is.

That special person is always you, and if you seek out someone who makes you feel beautiful, you will always happy.

The other side of everything

I was talking to my sister the other day about the darker side of things - fear. That for the amount of happiness all of us seek and receive, we have an equivalent of fear, discovered or undiscovered.

I wondered why I sometimes write about the deeper, darker things that we tend to run away from over regular glasses of wine, TV and company. She said it's really okay to talk about getting to the other side of dark things – acceptance. In a world where we are made to believe that happiness is the truth, there's some kind of pressure to show everyone our happy moments but what about the not so happy ones? There's pressure to not talk about pain and how to grow through it and find happiness. It made me think further.

The last year saw me through some challenging times when the fear and pain in my life were so overwhelming and real that it surprised me to have never felt anything of that sort before. That time of pain also made me realize how resilient I am and how very wonderful it is when you truly find what it is that makes you happy. We are each in different phases of our lives, but I was astonished at the number of articles, blogs and books that people have written about facing not so pleasant parts of ourselves and I, having been in that phase a while ago, could relate to everything I'm talking about.

In the days of our youth, we were taught the glory of aggression, achievement, believing, aiming for the stars. All the motivational quotes talk about the uphill climb with the happiness of success subconsciously linked with the fear of failure. However, few people told us of the power of acceptance and letting go, which is so closely bound to growth and happiness.

Not too long ago, I grasped the concept of groundlessness. I prepared to step away from the stability that most people including myself live by – conviction, definition, fixed ideas and old patterns. That was when I decided that I wouldn’t let the fear of loss, pain, death, breakups deter me from fully believing that life is truly beautiful, every moment. I decided I wouldn't let newness stop me from going abroad to pursue a residency, uncertainty stop me from living alone, taking my own time to do things stop me from jumping into a fast paced world of Internal Medicine in a competitive program. I would have to start getting real about my intentions to pursue community health someday and actually work towards them. I had been running away all this time - stalling, wondering how long I have to go before I get into a real world of living it out.

Turns out fear is nothing but plain old resistance to accepting things the way they
are. Accept that nothing is certain and things don't need to be certain, dare to live anyway, dare to plan. Dare to face our own shortcomings and look at ourselves exactly for who we are.

Knowing that each one of us deserves to be treated well is the cornerstone to happiness - it is achievable in the presence or absence
of specific circumstances, persons or situations.
Dare to learn that each and every one of us is phenomenal and wonderful the way we are.
Dare to accept that like and dislike are all in the mind - and more energy spent on what we like is energy well spent.
Dare to have a good career and start laying the foundation for dreams that may need a hundred years to come true, because even if we cannot follow it through, someone will relay from where we trail off.

Happiness is right here. Wherever we are. Neil Degrasse Tyson, the American astrophysicist, often talks about how great things like love,
fulfillment and happiness come from genuine “presence” in the moment, and the acceptance that everything good or bad, is self-generated. It took me a long time to realise how true this is.

Finding happiness lies in reaction versus response. Nothing has the power to affect us, when we don’t react to it. As human beings, this is a tough measure to take - to not react. To not react takes a lot of insight and growth - and this is very different from 'not showing' a reaction. We are juicy, impulsive, hormonal, social animals designed to interact and react – we thrive on action and reaction. We react to a family member who didn’t live up to our expectations. We react to a situation where a dear one is ill, where instead of calming our
nerves and accepting that we have no control, we find someone to blame and connect dots the wrong way.
We react to a friend who doesn’t make time, little realizing that we are equally guilty of doing the same at some point.
We react to friends, lovers, family members, exes, colleagues - every day. We react by hanging on, we react by telling ourselves that something is more important than our happiness and worthiness, when it isn't so.

We are so ingrained into how the world works, into making others believe that we have an awesome life, thinking that we have a point to prove and a statement to make consciously or subconsciously that somewhere along the line, many of us lose track of where our happiness stands.

We are worried about earning our money and making sure we go on all our vacations before we die. We make sure we never "miss out" on something - we react to fear of time running out. While it's true that we don't know the next moment, I've come to believe that happiness like they say though not a sustained entity, is attainable when you live every day as though you were going to live forever. When you don't have a finish line. So what if you didn't see the Machu Picchu ? So what if the bucket list goes to hell ? So what if you didn't go to Bali ? Learn to say "b*lls" to bucket lists. Do what you want to do - whether it's work or sitting at home watching TV or making Kombucha or learning the salsa, dating new people or traveling till the end of time.

We make up these finish lines, lists, though strangely even if you did live to be a hundred years old, you still couldn't do all the things you wanted to and read all the books you would want to read.

We close ourselves to fear and pain, build tall walls and continue to run. We are worried about how we look, we are worried too much about the past and live our lives trying to change what 'was'.

What I keep asking myself to unlearn, from time to time, to stay accepting of the reality is, 'What is it that I can change around me? What is it I'm not accepting? Do I know to let go of the things I cannot change?'

Is it losing someone or abjection that is scary?
Or is it insecurity or uncertainty?

Somewhere as you go on the runs, the evenings out with your friends, the nights you spend under the stars, the people you love, you will start asking questions and even better, you will find the answers. You will peace out, go through good and bad days alike, learn to appreciate and spend time with people who love you and tell you how beautiful you really are. You will learn that there is so much happiness in simple things - a kiss under the moonlight, a drive to the beach, holding a child's hand and walking with them.

As you get in touch with your own worthiness, you will understand and respect the worth of another. You will use every moment to better someone’s life as you do your own.You will feel boundless happiness for every smile you put on someone's face, every day that a sick patient lives or improves under your care, or when someone gets a promotion because you recommended them, for every woman that holds her newborn in her arms. You will feel deeply for every loss, you will be inspired to do more for someone who is less fortunate than you. The same things that break you will build you. As you crumble, you will gain form.

You will start reaching out to people who have been in your shoes and are seeing the pain that you have seen - in all of this amazing mess, you will start spending a lot of time doing the things you love, things that interest you.

You will become stronger, bolder and fearless. You will learn to let go and take life one day at a time.

Just as you stop reacting impulsively and start responding to situations in your best interest, you will find happiness - the other side. In the midst of a jog or the softness of your pillow as you drift off to sleep or on a night out with someone special. You will enjoy a pedicure or a bowl of popcorn over back-to-back episodes of The Big Bang Theory.

Even as you feel queasy about the next busy call night you will know that hard work and satisfaction, fear and happiness, frustration and creation are two sides of the same coin.

You will know that it's okay to complain about what you love. Likewise, it's okay to let your happiness be contagious. It won’t matter that the assignment is due in two days - you will pay with dark circles but you will do it anyway. You will autopilot.

You will respond to life every moment and fall in love with what you do. You will learn to give much love and not regret it.

Just as you stop trying to understand and analyze, as you start to accept your fears for yourself and see where they arise from, they will turn around and give you strength and joy beyond what you could ever imagine. And you will be you again.

Live the simple life : The Devil wears Prada (aka, what do you pack when you relocate?)

So, residency ! The words resounded in my mind. I'd seen all my seniors and colleagues here. Feverish, sweating it out, studying, going craaaaazy. But here it was ! Finally.

It's never the end of the road in this career. Just when there's an end, there's another beginning.

I couldn't help but think 'I saw myself here. I saw myself here when I worked those nights and thought it would never happen, when everybody told me it was tough. When I thought about how I would have to somehow manage a good score.
When would those exams end?
Where could I go?'

I feel people underestimate the value of a dream. I really feel that way. I think people should be allowed to savor the fruits of their dream for a while. It is what sets forth the desire for new aspirations and new joys.

Internal medicine, I'd always wanted. In a university hospital. Now here it was. Overwhelming me with its simple presence, just like that, like a happy bird on my shoulder. And yet I knew I'd worked for it. All those nights I sat and read and highlighted and reread and gone for this dream, repeating cups of tea, wearing myself into a thin, pale version of me with dark circles, acne, when I looked uncared for, just reading, having a zero social life. What would it be worth, when I don't know where I'd end up ?

All of this. Today.

I'm here. This exciting, scary moment, when the dream hasn't even begun yet. When I've hope that all goes well, and I'm prepared for almost anything. The real hardwork, the exciting part, the craziness hasn't even begun.

This morning, as I got yet another pre employment check done at the hospital I'd worked in previously, I met my mentor.

She is a big buff in oncology, a good woman. Someone I have a love/sometimes-warm-sometimes-wanting-to-run-away-from/admiration/scare relationship with. Someone I'd like to professionally resemble in honesty, administrative knack and practice.
'Take the good parts' the Dalai Lama often says in his speeches. Take the good parts.
She handed me a copy of 'The Emperor of All Maladies - A biography of Cancer' by Siddhartha Mukherjee.

She was in a red cotton saree. So typical. Dr. K, the intimidating head of medical oncology in her cotton saree, and the pleated fall of the fabric over her shoulder falling over so nonchalantly, just like the way she walks and talks. Without a care in the world.

"I want you to read this", she said, looking at me warmly. Warmly ??? I thought. When I think of her I think of hot coffee/iceberg. I imagine her drinking her coffee in slow, laid-back style in her cup and saucer, and a few minutes later, the cup and saucer flying out of her room, because the patient files took too long to arrive.

"You will relate. You will grow, and you will understand so many things that I related to when I read this book", she continued. "You will enjoy Connecticut. It's a beauuuutiful state !", she drawled. "I studied in Connecticut. It's where I did my fellowship in Oncology in the seventies. You will love New Hampshire and Vermont. And the fall is so, so beautiful. Aarthi this is all you'll ever want, trust me."

Suddenly I felt like Andrea Sachs sitting in front of the Miranda Priestly from The Devil wears Prada.
Here she was, talking to me, making every hair on the back of my neck stand. I wanted to belong, all my life to a dream. I knew that inspiration was on to me. I could become anything. 'I AM wet cement', I thought, and it's my call, now !

'Fellowship in oncology. Hmm. History repeats itself..have you heard about that ?' a statement in my mind quietly crept in.
'Shut up' I quipped back to it, 'I don't know if I want oncology, and I'll never ever want administration. I haven't even Started MD ! Quit counting chickens already ! ', shocked at where that even came from.
'Oh, you know it you little devil, you.'
'I DONT !!!!! I have no plans. I am passionate about community health. I'm too peaceful and calm a person to want something so big. Maybe I'll ale up endocrinology because I love it. I want a slow, small life. Maybe I'll get into primary care. The future is unwritten', I fought back.
'That's the best part. You'll figure. But small life ? You ? Ha ! Haha !'
'WTF !'

Crazy. Two halves of my mind were conversing with each other, one taunting another, while Dr.K painted pictures of the fall and the snow at Hartford in my imagination with her words.

(photo credit : Facebook.com)

I loved and hated it that I had dreams. Dreams that might flower and dreams that might not. But I had the freedom to dream. Not dream about my life tied to anybody else's.
But the real dream !!! Of being somewhere beautiful and the opportunity to do something phenomenal ! Of realizing my own worth, for myself. All these amazing physicians I've met and adored, whose knowledge, careers and experience I'd looked at with thirsty eyes, didn't just get there like that. They'd had big dreams, studied at wonderful places and really worked their asses off. Of course, they did !

"So you leave in three days. How are you spending your time ?" she asked.

"Packing my bags. Paperwork. Staying up nights. Writing. Reading. Behaving like it's the end and the beginning of the world at the same time. My room is chaos. One moment I'm thrilled and the next, I'm going nuts. It isn't what it's drawn out to be. I am not partying with my friends, I have no farewell, there are no glamorous selfies on Facebook, no phenomenal status updates, and when I look around, it's just so unlike a typical send off. Even my mother is in another country right now", I said, almost panicking at the number of things I had bottled up.

"It always is that way, Aarthi. Keep busy, do your own thing. When I went there in the seventies, I didn't even know how to bear the seatbelt on the airplane. It was my first flight ever. I was just packed off to a place with no Indian food in those years by my ambitious parents. Hardcore Gujarati girl that I was, I didn't have too many options, specially with food. I had 108 US dollars with me. That was it. I packed a few things here and there and just took off."

What do you pack anyway when you're taking your whole life to another country ? Have you ever asked yourself this ? What can one pack ? Mementos ? Cards ? A house ? A whole life ? What is it that I won't find there ? I mean people live there too. Very happily. How do I even know what the limit is ? I could pack the whole house and this and that. There's no end to wanting.

(photo credit : Facebook.com)

What do I take with me ?

 "Take with you what you won't find there." she continued.

"Which I might figure once I actually get there and miss it" I responded.

We laughed.

What does one take to a new country anyway ?
Cosmetics ? Kitchenware ? Indian clothes ? Indian stuff ? Photographs ? Memories ?

Clothes ?

Clothes ???
Never mind. The Devil wears Prada.
'Oh ! what happened to the simple life, missy?'

And so it goes on.


-Aarthi

When what you never imagined, happens (How to take a bad break up / let it go)

Human relationships are so complex. And yet so simple. They can blossom with a word and be broken by another.

Even when there's a big hoo-ha about all the positivity and the goodness in the world, I find myself talking about the complexities. The sad stuff, sometimes the negative stuff. Some of my posts talk about how to deal with challenging situations, with difficulty, and still motivate us to move on. They talk about letting go of difficult relationships, moving on from breakups.
I was mulling over why I'm focusing on the not-so-flowery stuff in my writing when my sis told me that it's actually alright to talk about how to get to the other side of sorrow. Across.

Hmm.
We all experience it.
We deal with it by avoiding it and occupying ourselves with work and/or (unfortunately for some-) addiction.
Or by sinking into its depth and becoming incapable of being happy, but never really experiencing, learning and getting out of it.

Some of us are so unknowingly wounded by these demanding situations that we never grow out of it.
It becomes a painful part of our personality, changing the way we perceive relationships, marriages and love for the worse, when infact, everyone deserves the happiness of new love and new lovers.

Experiencing a personally challenging journey is adventurous. It prepares you for the best, because experience is such a good thing. Good and bad experiences both, count.

It's okay to make that mistake. 
It's really okay to be in a break up. A bad one. They happen all the time. It's okay to be in a relationship that falls apart, and have all your plans fail and just fall. Flat out on your face. Because nothing is more liberating than accepting that it's over and moving on.
It's okay to know what it's like to feel pain and heartbreak, and admit to it. You don't need to pretend like it didn't touch you, or you were the lesser hurt one out of the two. It's really okay if you don't have it together all the time. Many people do not know how to let their emotions out healthily. Crying, falling apart and arguing are absolutely healthy ways of letting out negative emotion, and it must come out because it exists. After all, where can a river flow from if there's no water at the source, and why should it stop flowing if there is ?

What people say or think, worries us.
On so many occasions.
If they say it's okay to laugh, smile and be happy, then you should be asking those people why they spurn so much at you when you don't have it together. Why do they pressure you so much to get a grip ?
The truth is, it doesn't matter. They don't matter. Those people who tell you how you should be, what your problem is, they don't even matter.

(picture credit : weheartit.com)

What really matters is you.
Your personal growth through a difficult situation is so, so important. You are you, and you have all the right to deal with your emotions the way you see fit for your betterment.
Don't be okay with people who take your feelings for granted, and at the same time don't regret it when things don't go your way. That, will make you a stronger person who will be with someone as complete and sorted as you are, and more capable of loving you and seeing the lovely person that you are. After all, they have to be and feel like they are worthy of your wonderful love too. Remember that.

It is impossible that only one person, a single situation or circumstance could make us happy, or be the love of our lives.
Babe, you're mortal. There must be many more ways, and there are. Know that if one road hasn't worked out for any reason, the other door that has always been open has been waiting for you and calling out to you. Just make sure your eyes are open to see that road that waited for you to turn up, so you could give it your first chance.

I've been in these shoes.
As much as I've experienced the beauty of being in love, doing and receiving nice things from the men I've been with, I really do know what it's like to be sad in it, to cry, to feel hurt, to feel let down, to have my expectations crash and be let go of, nowhere, on the middle of the road. I know how a bad, bad break up with someone you love feels. Awful.

As a teenager, I was in a bad break up. I didn't know if I'd ever be the same again, but I remember just distracting my way out of it. I went out with friends, watched movies, went dancing, took walks everyday, worked on my fitness and I was back to my happy self in no time. Yep, I was low and it felt like it would never end. But that's never the story.
It's all a matter of time before you realize your worth.

(Picture credit : simpleremiders.com)

I know, it doesn't feel alright, when what you're sharing with someone special is watered down to a "nothing" of sorts by someone who isn't prepared to take on the responsibility of what they got into. That's their choice.

Your choice is to let it go.
Your choice is NOT anger or resentment or hatred. Let it go. Just accepting that it's over makes it so so easy. (trust me on this one)

(Picture credit : Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love)

Just have plain love for yourself. I know, this sounds so, so irritating and wrong and impossible right now. But decide and know, that you were always worth the best and you need not ever settle for less. Your priority is you. It's just about peacefully letting go and finding your life back. It's really a part of the growth curve. The situations you attract into your life are always for your betterment if you seek them out.

You are not required to go about like everyone else, testing the waters and absolutely being sure that the other person is more invested than you, just so you feel safe and in control.
You are not required to play defensive and try to control a new relationship by being unwilling to invest emotions, just because your last relationship didn't go right.
Don't jump into a fling. Don't do any of these things. Just concentrate on yourself right now. You need yourself, your identity and your happiness.

You're very very precious, darling, and fully deserving of love as all human beings are, and when you build your walls to every new person and experience, you're only blocking out the good that is coming to you. Don't ever avoid a situation to feel good, you just get in again, but wiser, and more learned with the next new person. The correct relationship will respect you and give you what you deserve.

Eat well. Get some protein. Have fruit, plenty of water, get sunshine, exercise and rest. Go to a spa, get a pedicure or a foot rub. Dress well. Go out on walks. Make tea, make coffee. Read comic books. Talk to someone. Breathe. It's not the end, is it ? Look around you !

Human relationships are volatile. They require effort to stay grounded. Now it also matters that the other person makes that effort, not just you.
Be grounded. Be your own rock. Let go of the people who cannot love you the way you are. Open your palm, let go of them with peace. Take your passions along with you and in no time, you'll have your kickass life and the happiness you want. Just because you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, doesn't mean it doesn't exist. It exists and believe me, I've seen it so recently, and it's very easy if you trust it. You'll be there before you know it, and you've my promise.

Take therapy.
For those that do not stay around family or have friends close by, go see a counselor. It isn't glamourous, but this is so, so essential if you want to talk to someone and your family and friends aren't enough. It is not crazy, it's not weird. Everyone goes through stuff, and the idea is to get you back on solid ground, doesn't matter how.

I'm not joking about this for one second.

If you really, really need help and you feel like talking to someone or sharing how you feel with someone, you think you cannot find that help elsewhere, email me.

I mean it. Just click on the link and share with me whatever it is that bothers you about the breakup. I'm here to listen. And I will, I promise.

Much, much love and wishing you healing !

Aarthi

On to newer things

After being pushed and prodded by a friend of mine to update my dusty ten year old blog full of ramblings of the journey of a girl who climbed from her teenage to her womanhood,
I thought "Why the heck not ?" If I need a new identity from time to time, so does my blog ! I have so many lovely things to share anyway.

So I've given my blog link a new name.

"Live that simple life."
Simple would hardly mean non-experience. It would probably mean maybe, I would choose a book over new shoes. Or choose a nice rendezvous with a writer over ogling outside a Jimmy Choo store. Life is always giving you expansion, if you choose to see it.

(This picture was shared by Brené Brown, one of my favorite authors. She is an inspiration to all the people out there who love sharing their precious life experiences through writing)

I urge you to try out something new.
New things, new people have a lot to offer. New conversations which open you up to things you'd never otherwise know, new adventures which expand your horizons, new jobs open you up to interesting stories and events in people's lives that will touch your life in more ways than one.

The world is full of interesting people. The other day I met a physicist (yes, they actually are interesting people) at a book store, and we had an extensive chat about time travel being real and that the theory of memory, intuition and serendipity being nothing but time travel. It was a "eureka" moment for me. On another occasion, an old friend at New York reminded me that we pay too much attention to things such as mating and/or having a significant other, that we forget that we ourselves are capable of interesting things, far beyond what we could ever imagine to find in another person. It woke me up and made me realize how true it is that we are trapped in the madness of having to worry about who's doing what or how we "should" be showing people that we are having fun, instead of actually having it (My last post is extensively about this).

Friends will stay. Men will come. Women will come. What matters is that in this life, at this moment, you grow. You grow to be someone you love and enjoy, someone whose company you enjoy. Have real, seriously interesting things to know, talk about and do, beyond basic instincts. Write, blog, listen to stories, listen to podcasts from interesting people, listen to new music not to share but just to listen to it, cook something new for yourself, learn to make a hammock, make kombucha, make mango compote, make something ! Play the ukulele or the accordion, take evening walks with your iPod. Something !

On to newer things.

So now that I've been doing basic Hatha Yoga for a few years, I thought why not take it a level up and try some aerobics ? I tried Capoeira, but I stopped when I found it to be demanding to the point of competition, and I don't think I'd ever want to introduce competition in my me-time, doing me-things. My simple theory is this - you could think you are passionate about a lot of things, and you could think this is "your calling". But if in a year you haven't made more time than two weeks to do it (twenty-four by seven), it isn't you. You're still on the road to discovery. Hence, I would think that many people describe their work as their passion. I agree. Your job, your work, define your choices as a part of your innate personality, your depth in life, your very basic native sentiment, whether you look at the world as a place of buy and sell, glamour and superficiality or see people and lives that you're so closely knit to, as you. There's a lot of difference. And it also applies to new interests. Nothing that you find newly in your life, be it experiences, hobbies, interests, relationships or friendships should resemble old things - making the same choices only teaches us the things we already know.

New activity, I thought. None of the stuff I've already known.
Now, anti-gravity yoga fascinates me - pilates and aerobics incorporated into yoga. It's caught my attention, at least. Now that I will have time to develop on me, personally, I think it's wonderful. Life couldn't have caught me off-guard at a better moment. So, I'm waiting to sign up for Omfactory. Let's see how it goes. I want to know what it's like to be suspended upside down by fabric drawn from the ceiling, learn to do a full split mid air and the sorts. Sounds delicious right ? :) Well, it is.

New books. Real gripping "books" that that get your belly to ache laughing, or your mind to go off into a parallel universe of thoughts. Maybe if you're a little bit of a nerd, you might love "Fangirl" so much that you'd never want to put it down.

They say every cloud has a silver lining. Sometimes you're stuck in the cloud. And that's okay.
Because no matter what, there's loads and loads of thrill, love and goodness out there :)
You will find all of it if you just open your palm, let go, keep your eyes and heart open to new things, and I know it like I know my name.

Much love,
Aarthi