I was talking to my sister the other day about the darker side of things - fear. That for the amount of happiness all of us seek and receive, we have an equivalent of fear, discovered or undiscovered.
I wondered why I sometimes write about the deeper, darker things that we tend to run away from over regular glasses of wine, TV and company. She said it's really okay to talk about getting to the other side of dark things – acceptance. In a world where we are made to believe that happiness is the truth, there's some kind of pressure to show everyone our happy moments but what about the not so happy ones? There's pressure to not talk about pain and how to grow through it and find happiness. It made me think further.
The last year saw me through some challenging times when the fear and pain in my life were so overwhelming and real that it surprised me to have never felt anything of that sort before. That time of pain also made me realize how resilient I am and how very wonderful it is when you truly find what it is that makes you happy. We are each in different phases of our lives, but I was astonished at the number of articles, blogs and books that people have written about facing not so pleasant parts of ourselves and I, having been in that phase a while ago, could relate to everything I'm talking about.
Not too long ago, I grasped the concept of groundlessness. I prepared to step away from the stability that most people including myself live by – conviction, definition, fixed ideas and old patterns. That was when I decided that I wouldn’t let the fear of loss, pain, death, breakups deter me from fully believing that life is truly beautiful, every moment. I decided I wouldn't let newness stop me from going abroad to pursue a residency, uncertainty stop me from living alone, taking my own time to do things stop me from jumping into a fast paced world of Internal Medicine in a competitive program. I would have to start getting real about my intentions to pursue community health someday and actually work towards them. I had been running away all this time - stalling, wondering how long I have to go before I get into a real world of living it out.
Turns out fear is nothing but plain old resistance to accepting things the way they
are. Accept that nothing is certain and things don't need to be certain, dare to live anyway, dare to plan. Dare to face our own shortcomings and look at ourselves exactly for who we are.
Knowing that each one of us deserves to be treated well is the cornerstone to happiness - it is achievable in the presence or absence
of specific circumstances, persons or situations.
Dare to learn that each and every one of us is phenomenal and wonderful the way we are.
Dare to accept that like and dislike are all in the mind - and more energy spent on what we like is energy well spent.
Dare to have a good career and start laying the foundation for dreams that may need a hundred years to come true, because even if we cannot follow it through, someone will relay from where we trail off.
Happiness is right here. Wherever we are. Neil Degrasse Tyson, the American astrophysicist, often talks about how great things like love,
fulfillment and happiness come from genuine “presence” in the moment, and the acceptance that everything good or bad, is self-generated. It took me a long time to realise how true this is.
Finding happiness lies in reaction versus response. Nothing has the power to affect us, when we don’t react to it. As human beings, this is a tough measure to take - to not react. To not react takes a lot of insight and growth - and this is very different from 'not showing' a reaction. We are juicy, impulsive, hormonal, social animals designed to interact and react – we thrive on action and reaction. We react to a family member who didn’t live up to our expectations. We react to a situation where a dear one is ill, where instead of calming our
nerves and accepting that we have no control, we find someone to blame and connect dots the wrong way.
We react to a friend who doesn’t make time, little realizing that we are equally guilty of doing the same at some point.
We react to friends, lovers, family members, exes, colleagues - every day. We react by hanging on, we react by telling ourselves that something is more important than our happiness and worthiness, when it isn't so.
We are so ingrained into how the world works, into making others believe that we have an awesome life, thinking that we have a point to prove and a statement to make consciously or subconsciously that somewhere along the line, many of us lose track of where our happiness stands.
We are worried about earning our money and making sure we go on all our vacations before we die. We make sure we never "miss out" on something - we react to fear of time running out. While it's true that we don't know the next moment, I've come to believe that happiness like they say though not a sustained entity, is attainable when you live every day as though you were going to live forever. When you don't have a finish line. So what if you didn't see the Machu Picchu ? So what if the bucket list goes to hell ? So what if you didn't go to Bali ? Learn to say "b*lls" to bucket lists. Do what you want to do - whether it's work or sitting at home watching TV or making Kombucha or learning the salsa, dating new people or traveling till the end of time.
We make up these finish lines, lists, though strangely even if you did live to be a hundred years old, you still couldn't do all the things you wanted to and read all the books you would want to read.
We close ourselves to fear and pain, build tall walls and continue to run. We are worried about how we look, we are worried too much about the past and live our lives trying to change what 'was'.
What I keep asking myself to unlearn, from time to time, to stay accepting of the reality is, 'What is it that I can change around me? What is it I'm not accepting? Do I know to let go of the things I cannot change?'
Is it losing someone or abjection that is scary?
Or is it insecurity or uncertainty?
Somewhere as you go on the runs, the evenings out with your friends, the nights you spend under the stars, the people you love, you will start asking questions and even better, you will find the answers. You will peace out, go through good and bad days alike, learn to appreciate and spend time with people who love you and tell you how beautiful you really are. You will learn that there is so much happiness in simple things - a kiss under the moonlight, a drive to the beach, holding a child's hand and walking with them.
As you get in touch with your own worthiness, you will understand and respect the worth of another. You will use every moment to better someone’s life as you do your own.You will feel boundless happiness for every smile you put on someone's face, every day that a sick patient lives or improves under your care, or when someone gets a promotion because you recommended them, for every woman that holds her newborn in her arms. You will feel deeply for every loss, you will be inspired to do more for someone who is less fortunate than you. The same things that break you will build you. As you crumble, you will gain form.
You will start reaching out to people who have been in your shoes and are seeing the pain that you have seen - in all of this amazing mess, you will start spending a lot of time doing the things you love, things that interest you.
You will become stronger, bolder and fearless. You will learn to let go and take life one day at a time.
Just as you stop reacting impulsively and start responding to situations in your best interest, you will find happiness - the other side. In the midst of a jog or the softness of your pillow as you drift off to sleep or on a night out with someone special. You will enjoy a pedicure or a bowl of popcorn over back-to-back episodes of The Big Bang Theory.
Even as you feel queasy about the next busy call night you will know that hard work and satisfaction, fear and happiness, frustration and creation are two sides of the same coin.
You will know that it's okay to complain about what you love. Likewise, it's okay to let your happiness be contagious. It won’t matter that the assignment is due in two days - you will pay with dark circles but you will do it anyway. You will autopilot.
You will respond to life every moment and fall in love with what you do. You will learn to give much love and not regret it.
Just as you stop trying to understand and analyze, as you start to accept your fears for yourself and see where they arise from, they will turn around and give you strength and joy beyond what you could ever imagine. And you will be you again.
I wondered why I sometimes write about the deeper, darker things that we tend to run away from over regular glasses of wine, TV and company. She said it's really okay to talk about getting to the other side of dark things – acceptance. In a world where we are made to believe that happiness is the truth, there's some kind of pressure to show everyone our happy moments but what about the not so happy ones? There's pressure to not talk about pain and how to grow through it and find happiness. It made me think further.
The last year saw me through some challenging times when the fear and pain in my life were so overwhelming and real that it surprised me to have never felt anything of that sort before. That time of pain also made me realize how resilient I am and how very wonderful it is when you truly find what it is that makes you happy. We are each in different phases of our lives, but I was astonished at the number of articles, blogs and books that people have written about facing not so pleasant parts of ourselves and I, having been in that phase a while ago, could relate to everything I'm talking about.
In the days of our youth, we were taught the glory of aggression, achievement, believing, aiming for the stars. All the motivational quotes talk about the uphill climb with the happiness of success subconsciously linked with the fear of failure. However, few people told us of the power of acceptance and letting go, which is so closely bound to growth and happiness.
Not too long ago, I grasped the concept of groundlessness. I prepared to step away from the stability that most people including myself live by – conviction, definition, fixed ideas and old patterns. That was when I decided that I wouldn’t let the fear of loss, pain, death, breakups deter me from fully believing that life is truly beautiful, every moment. I decided I wouldn't let newness stop me from going abroad to pursue a residency, uncertainty stop me from living alone, taking my own time to do things stop me from jumping into a fast paced world of Internal Medicine in a competitive program. I would have to start getting real about my intentions to pursue community health someday and actually work towards them. I had been running away all this time - stalling, wondering how long I have to go before I get into a real world of living it out.
Turns out fear is nothing but plain old resistance to accepting things the way they
are. Accept that nothing is certain and things don't need to be certain, dare to live anyway, dare to plan. Dare to face our own shortcomings and look at ourselves exactly for who we are.
Knowing that each one of us deserves to be treated well is the cornerstone to happiness - it is achievable in the presence or absence
of specific circumstances, persons or situations.
Dare to learn that each and every one of us is phenomenal and wonderful the way we are.
Dare to accept that like and dislike are all in the mind - and more energy spent on what we like is energy well spent.
Dare to have a good career and start laying the foundation for dreams that may need a hundred years to come true, because even if we cannot follow it through, someone will relay from where we trail off.
Happiness is right here. Wherever we are. Neil Degrasse Tyson, the American astrophysicist, often talks about how great things like love,
fulfillment and happiness come from genuine “presence” in the moment, and the acceptance that everything good or bad, is self-generated. It took me a long time to realise how true this is.
Finding happiness lies in reaction versus response. Nothing has the power to affect us, when we don’t react to it. As human beings, this is a tough measure to take - to not react. To not react takes a lot of insight and growth - and this is very different from 'not showing' a reaction. We are juicy, impulsive, hormonal, social animals designed to interact and react – we thrive on action and reaction. We react to a family member who didn’t live up to our expectations. We react to a situation where a dear one is ill, where instead of calming our
nerves and accepting that we have no control, we find someone to blame and connect dots the wrong way.
We react to a friend who doesn’t make time, little realizing that we are equally guilty of doing the same at some point.
We react to friends, lovers, family members, exes, colleagues - every day. We react by hanging on, we react by telling ourselves that something is more important than our happiness and worthiness, when it isn't so.
We are so ingrained into how the world works, into making others believe that we have an awesome life, thinking that we have a point to prove and a statement to make consciously or subconsciously that somewhere along the line, many of us lose track of where our happiness stands.
We are worried about earning our money and making sure we go on all our vacations before we die. We make sure we never "miss out" on something - we react to fear of time running out. While it's true that we don't know the next moment, I've come to believe that happiness like they say though not a sustained entity, is attainable when you live every day as though you were going to live forever. When you don't have a finish line. So what if you didn't see the Machu Picchu ? So what if the bucket list goes to hell ? So what if you didn't go to Bali ? Learn to say "b*lls" to bucket lists. Do what you want to do - whether it's work or sitting at home watching TV or making Kombucha or learning the salsa, dating new people or traveling till the end of time.
We make up these finish lines, lists, though strangely even if you did live to be a hundred years old, you still couldn't do all the things you wanted to and read all the books you would want to read.
We close ourselves to fear and pain, build tall walls and continue to run. We are worried about how we look, we are worried too much about the past and live our lives trying to change what 'was'.
What I keep asking myself to unlearn, from time to time, to stay accepting of the reality is, 'What is it that I can change around me? What is it I'm not accepting? Do I know to let go of the things I cannot change?'
Is it losing someone or abjection that is scary?
Or is it insecurity or uncertainty?
Somewhere as you go on the runs, the evenings out with your friends, the nights you spend under the stars, the people you love, you will start asking questions and even better, you will find the answers. You will peace out, go through good and bad days alike, learn to appreciate and spend time with people who love you and tell you how beautiful you really are. You will learn that there is so much happiness in simple things - a kiss under the moonlight, a drive to the beach, holding a child's hand and walking with them.
As you get in touch with your own worthiness, you will understand and respect the worth of another. You will use every moment to better someone’s life as you do your own.You will feel boundless happiness for every smile you put on someone's face, every day that a sick patient lives or improves under your care, or when someone gets a promotion because you recommended them, for every woman that holds her newborn in her arms. You will feel deeply for every loss, you will be inspired to do more for someone who is less fortunate than you. The same things that break you will build you. As you crumble, you will gain form.
You will start reaching out to people who have been in your shoes and are seeing the pain that you have seen - in all of this amazing mess, you will start spending a lot of time doing the things you love, things that interest you.
You will become stronger, bolder and fearless. You will learn to let go and take life one day at a time.
Just as you stop reacting impulsively and start responding to situations in your best interest, you will find happiness - the other side. In the midst of a jog or the softness of your pillow as you drift off to sleep or on a night out with someone special. You will enjoy a pedicure or a bowl of popcorn over back-to-back episodes of The Big Bang Theory.
Even as you feel queasy about the next busy call night you will know that hard work and satisfaction, fear and happiness, frustration and creation are two sides of the same coin.
You will know that it's okay to complain about what you love. Likewise, it's okay to let your happiness be contagious. It won’t matter that the assignment is due in two days - you will pay with dark circles but you will do it anyway. You will autopilot.
You will respond to life every moment and fall in love with what you do. You will learn to give much love and not regret it.
Just as you stop trying to understand and analyze, as you start to accept your fears for yourself and see where they arise from, they will turn around and give you strength and joy beyond what you could ever imagine. And you will be you again.
