you've wanted your early relationships to start as smooth as the love between Prince Charming and Cinderella...and thereafter work out as ''happily ever after'' ? but you finding yourself living in a twist. One month passes and you love them beyond the earth. Two months, and you love them beyond the ocean. Six months, and their quirks just bother you a bit, but a few years, and boom !
welcome home !
you're not the only one
it's just that all of us hope for the easy way out, though just a few know how difficult it is to find that person.
although we hope we can like and overcome, rather than tolerate each other's shortcomings..
although we feel we can cross over and ignore incompatibilities..
it's all easier said than done.
people who are...well, more practical, can I say, or more experienced about relationships...don't really care about how many relationships it takes to find the right one. Life is anything but a coincidence.
and out of the 2 billion people of the opposite sex, what chance have we of finding the so-called right one ?
fortunately or not so, life isn't that easy. Then first many relationships are the ones that demand a special attachment and memory. As much as people may dream to want to be together forever, in the very first go, things have a fair chance of not working out.
let's get real.
i totally admire people who found their lifelong loves first, are happy and still live with them. this is a matter of pure coincidence, congrats. I'm done talking about you.
with due respects to these exceptions, i can boldly tell you that the world is made up of people who've mostly been in more than a single serious relationship.
that's solely because of the fact that it's all a gamble.
first relationships are generally due to sparks, attraction, and elementary feelings. most people tend to make a mistake here, by thinking it's that mad love. (not to mention that we learn from our mistakes) their physical needs cloud their emotional needs, the needs to satisfy ego, self-respect etc.
the sparks are anyway extinguished in a few months or a year.
that's when all the small things you liked about the other person start to irritate you.
that's when the things they do seem to target your 'ego'
that's when you realize you made the biggest mistake in the whole darned world.
that's when you realize you're sad about the wrong person
there are a few people whom i know...who happen to be prolonging lifeless, meaningless first-time relationships.
for the sake of the world-just to show the world that they've achieved a big deal by being with each other for half-a-decade.. little realizing that they're not happy, that they're cheating themselves..(the world doesn't give two hoots about what you do....it's all about yourself. be yourself. like what you like. do what you want.Who cares that your friends saw you together ? What your friends think or saw isn't life at all ! )
for the sake of the habit that the other person has become in their life.. it's all a matter of habit. the phone conversations at half past 2 (a.m.), the shoulder, the couple lunches, the dinners, the movies..
for the sake of their 'i-am-feeling-lonely-and-depressed' phase that they fear after breaking up..
So..
who is the right one ?
how do you know it's the right one ?
does our opinion of the 'right one for me' change over time ?
'who is the right one ?'...is a question that cannot be answered to the point.
of course you know, that only you can answer it most closely.
- we do give descriptions of what we want in our ideal match...but little do we realise that none of us really know what we want even when we see a manifestation of it. It could pass us by and we wouldn't know.
we prefer laying our eyes on someone whom we've already met and mould our 'wants' according to what they are and then we realise we're thinking, ''ohh wow..you're the one i'm looking for....'', but it's so momentary that it's only when you grow out of someone that you realize they WERE the one but they are not the one.
it's easier for a girl to MEET a warm, charming, intelligent guy and LIKE him, rather than picture someone completely IMAGINARY having all these qualities and like Mr.I-exist-in-wonderland.
something similar applies to guys.
how do you know if he/she is the right one ?The irony is, you may not know it instantly. You could cross paths over and over and nothing might work out till it does. You might tear each other down to the floor or just remotely have existed in each other's lives forever and never even notice each other as potential till once fine day you feel deep down, what if they're the one ?
It's all a matter of time. It takes time to peel out their petals and see what they have to offer you inside..see if they're really what you wanted. See their worst, show them your worst, give each other a chance to see your best, and then a relationship slowly figures.
And to all those who want to argue saying , ''no, no. not at all. I'll just know my right person when I see him/her..'' please, get your feet back on the ground.
does our opinion of the right one for me change, with time ?yes it does. it really does.
I'm not talking about something drastic...basic ideas do not change.
you might start liking people of a different profession at another given time. you might start appreciating people who are settled in a different country, though you'd once thought that you never might.
you may want a partner who drinks 6 vodkas bottoms-up now, but three years down the lane, you might want a teetotaler.
it's all a question of time.
of how your likes and dislikes change.
of what your life demands out of you.
never give up hope. love happens after a long journey, after many, many lovers, all of whom are just many different beautiful flavors of "wrong".
Don't live for others.
Don't live hanging on to anything because you had put effort into that relationship and love into that relationship for so many years, and now they're just out there, with someone else.
Don't hang on to your ego..it makes you self-destructive without your knowledge.
Don't live to show the world anything. If at all life has taught you anything, it has taught you that if a beautiful girl is no more in your life, a more beautiful, intelligent, lovable girl will come along, and you've to just keep your eyes open. If a guy who you love doesn't see it in you, a more wonderful amazing guy who is far more capable of understanding your goodness will come along.
Don't compromise on your needs in the beginning or you'll regret it later.
and if you can help it, don't fall in love
after all, it's not just about the first breeze that blows across the bay...
and definitely read this small article...go : andrew boyd's 'loving the wrong person'
-aarthi kannan
